{spaceships&submarines}

For the days to come.

2010-03-21T03:59:31Z

Tm & Amelia's house on thurs.
tm's house had a great view.
must be real relaxing sitting at the balcony.you could acually see till town from there okay.
and whoa,pity your neighbours,seriously-.-"
AMELIA'S house was damn cool.
FUCK HER HOUSE DAMN NICE.
HAHA.
yeah it was really great.
pool table wohoo!:)
HAHA.
and high on her stupid left handed guitar.
ITS LEFT HANDED.
AND I'M RIGHT HANDED.
and i could still play linkin park on it:)
AHAHA!
her mum was real nice.
drove us to and fro the MRT,
even bought dinner for us.
pizza:)
best day to spend:)

holidays.....
pretty much started on the second day of EFL.
kinda sick.
but i had a reason,
ever tried laughing and crying at the same time?
like literally,
alternating.
it didn't feel good.
much added to my bipolarity.
yeah.
well,i dont want to rant it out here.
i'd make it sound worse than it alr is/
all you gotta know is i dont know what to think of them,
thats why sometimes i dont bother to think.
rights?
what rights?
haha,forget it,like really.
hmm.

on another note,
i really cant wait for sch to reopen.
things were strained,but i'm looking forward to some stuff:)
AND YOU,STOP GIVING ME MIXED SIGNALS!!!
i dont want to engage in any of those emotions with you.

Across The Universe On A Rocket.

2010-03-16T15:30:52Z

" It's not a matter of craftsmanship-- it wrote itself. It drove me out of bed. I didn't want to write it... and I couldn't get to sleep until I put it on paper... It's like being possessed-- like a psychic or a medium. The thing has to go down. It won't let you sleep, so you have to get up, make it into something, and then you're allowed to sleep. That's always in the middle of the night when you're half-awake or tired and your critical facilities are switched off."
-John Lennon,on Across The Universe

i just feel like that sometimes.
sometimes the things i write here write itself instead of going thru my head.
like its my fingers that do the thinking.
its exactly like what he described.
such writings are the purest and the best.

can you read my mind?

2010-03-15T08:23:06Z

holidays don't seem like holidays at all.
well,
they don't seem like one anymore.
for once,
i'd wanted to go home from malaysia.
maybe cause of the ppl i was there with.
was my mother's side grandmother.

there are just ppl in the world who don't work well with each other,
no matter how easy going we are.
"its all in the mind."
as percieved by Ringo of The Beatles.

oh well.nothing more to say,
abt the m'sia trip anw.

really into the killers.
they have good lyrics,
unlike any other.
i cant see the meaning in the lyrics,
meaning they're all unique.
this is one of my favourites.\

READ MY MIND
the killers

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a paid trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

Its funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you jump
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippinâ€™ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine

Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind

tsk.

2010-03-12T02:38:00Z

irritation seems to radiate from me very badly nowadays.
really,like you could feel it if you stood beside me.
jamming yesterday,after my stomachache in the morning.
oh and i swear i'm confusing a lot of ppl now.
nvm,i dont even get myself,what makes you think you'd get me?

i think this is the normal cycle of bipolarity.
mania & depression.
guess they come after one another.
mania for me usually lasts a little longer than depression.

i think i'd have to start celebrating birthdays again.
regarding that,
someone told me this :"even if you don't care your friends will care."
so if i'm a friend to others,
why don't i care?
so i think i HAVE to care,
because for the simple fact that I AM YOUR FRIEND.

milk product's like a drug to me,
the more i cant eat or drink it,
the more i want it.
i want stuff that i dont have.
yeah,thats just beinging me i guess.

anyways,i'm gonna be in malaysia,
but i thnk i will bring this laptop there.
chewing gum?

i'd show you what i know.

2010-03-10T13:37:45Z

I AM EVERYTHING I'M NOT,BUT IF THERE'S ANYTHING I WANNA BE,I WANNA BE YOURS.

i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do,about you now.

you believe me?
no you shouldn't.
but then again,
if i'm doing this for no one,why am i doing it?

the fifth march to town.

2010-03-07T02:39:53Z

times like this,are all meant to be kept.
on fri,
was the 5th of march.
idk what had everyone been doing for the [ast few days,
but i know that tm and treesy were acting weird.
and that bio teacher of mine,
was giving me funny looks last wed when teresa was talking to him.
;/
really didn't know what was going on.
then on fri they wanted to surprise me
but haha, i kknow where we were going alr.
rushed hom after sch,bathed,met ophe to get to ion.
and met tm & louisa.
whaa,then we went to hk cafe.
met teresa,ate a splendid dinner and had alot of fun.
was damn funny okay.
stupid person keep pestering us to sign the membership card.-.-
then ophe pulled me to the toilet.
aand the hell manwhen i came back.
there were doughnuts piled on a plate,and they sang me happy birthday:)
that was a real suprise.
i was really speechless at that time.
i really didn't know what to say.
and then i knew what they were doing the past few days.
i really didn't know.and now i'm really happy just thinking abt it.
really a great thank you to teresa,ophe,tm and louisa:)
i really appreciate it alot.
i'm glad they are my friends,
i'm glad i have great friends.
rooftop at taka,chatted and pictures,will be up on fb tmr...i guesss,
i'm goig out now.
but i dont really want to okay,this sucks lahkena forced again.

& on the 5th day of March.

2010-03-04T18:47:26Z

WHAT THE SHIT I CANT SLEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP!!!!!BUT I WANT TO!!!!!

My List
The Killers

Let me wrap myself around you
Let you show me how I see
And when you come back in from nowhere
Do you ever think of me?
Your heart is not able
Let me show you how much I care
I need those eyes to tide me over
I’ll take your picture when I go
It gives me strength and gives me patience
But I’ll never let you know
I got nothing on you baby
But I always said I try
Let me show you how much I care
Cause sometimes it gets hard
And don’t she know
Don’t give the ghost up just clench your fist
You should have known by now you were on my list
Don’t give the ghost up just clench your fist
You should have known by now you were on my list
Don’t give the ghost up just clench your fist
You should have known by now you were wrong (on my list)
When your heart is not able
And your prayers they’re not fables
Let me show you (let me show you)
Let me show you (let me show you)
Let me show you how much I care oh

04/03

2010-03-04T11:30:09Z

4th march,4/3.
maybe it's worth it,afterall:)
so many things today.
idk where to start.
memories are best kept in the heart,not out in words.
but i fear dementia.
and here goes.

today was bio and lit CA1.
both my fave subs on the same day uh.
AND on my birthday.
the best present from the sch.
EVER.
OH MY GOD I GOT A BEATLES ALBUM AND A TUB OFDINOSAURS(and tm's cavemen polygamist husbandSSSSS):)
thankyou so much.i really appreciate it.
never thought they'd really get me sth.
thought taht everyone woould just focus on CA.
haha,
the 2B08 gang were real nice,
first to wish me,
then was sueann they all.
recess,realised that this was my last year clerating my birthday in stc.;(
boy,am i gonna miss being in that uniform that i wore for going 10 years.
oh well.
all good things come to an end.
its fate we must accept.
and that a lot of ppl's birthday falls on today.
its japan's girls day!:)
HAHA,they're all celebrating there.
EM and VE was gay shitz/
EM mr ng didn't come,had SEX ED THE DINO WAY.HAHA.
omg,and tm just married herself to 9 UGLY CAVEMEN OKAY.
wha piang eh,bless her.
serious.VE was haha.nvm.

this is for gratitude's sake,and for myself to feel better.
thank you to caryn,
sheryl,
rachel,
ms radiah,
jing,
mr cortez,
kel mu fen,
natasha,
ms chye,
amanda ong,
mr ng guo hui,
charlotte,
bliven,
weiqian,
tanmin,
amanda tan,
lydia,
caren,
charmaine
,my aunt,
px,
christina,
ophe(brilliant msg,really touched,and happy,thank you so much:)),
louisa(the beatles,dinosaurs and all:)POA is fun and crazy sitting with you!)
caz,
my parents,
and all.
some unnamed,
i'm sure you know who you are,
nevertheless,i still thank yall:)
friends make my day.
today's in my history:)
AND TERESA KOH WEN SUAN HAHA THANK YOU SO MUCH TOO!:)

c_l_x @ 2010-02-28T16:56:00

2010-02-28T08:56:14Z

tkamb,the best play so far.idk,the representations are good and all,so i think its really good.
mr gilmer is hot:)
HAHA!.

yrgh,i wantt my own room,far far far far away from all four of them.FUCK LAH.

OMF.

2010-02-24T14:30:53Z

you know what,i feel like some search engine.
like google or yahoo,everyone just asks me questions directly,inputs information,etc etc...
like i can give them an ans to "why me?"
you see,no one can answer that,cause everyone has that question too.
i wonder WHY too.
why you,me,he,she,i,shit..
yeah,
AND SUSHI ARGUEMENTS.
the boomz lah-.-
trust me,i'm getting myself into deep shit by doing all these.

we met some cool percussion professionals,namely joe and bobby,
damn cool okay.they've been playing all their lives.
these are the real music devotees.
they are those that are really passionate abt it.
wonder if i could do stuff like them...
but its difficult,the market's huge,you coulld get lost in it.

talked abt stuff like the real values of music,being able to sustain your interest for any type of music cause its MUSIC.
and not saying "i dont play that genre."being versatile in music,is the real way to learn,to enjoy it.
no stress.
its enjoyment.
its a whole new view of music i had just heard,and its leaving a worthy footstep in my path.

universals.

2010-02-20T09:31:43Z

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS THE BEST.
it was damn cool okay.got a lot of things.
a lot.
i wasn't excited for it at first.
but after two hours there i was convinced that it was awesome!
i LOVE JURASSIC PARK.
brings me back to my dinosaur crazed childhood.:)
yeah/.
i used to love it like mad.i think i'm feeling that child-like fantasy of daydreaming about the existence of such beings.
:):)i bought a watch and a luggage tag.from dino-store.HAHA.
then it started raining.
and we sang 'let it be' in the rain.
at the egyptian sites and stuff.
wonderous.like a real fairytale.
i really don't mind going there again.
there was a nagging feeling behind yesterdays trip,though.
i realised what i have missed out in return for being a 16 year old.
while i was there,
i dont have to pretend to be like anyone else in that solemn,miind your own business mood.
i just do what i like,scream at the roller coaster,say hi to the mascots there,jump around,climb the statues,sing out loud.
its different when a 6 year old and a 16 year old does it.

Spaceman.

2010-02-12T14:27:36Z

you tried so hard to be someone that you forget who you are.

depressed now.very,its the feeling you get when you do your very best at a piece of art work,or you play three hours a day on the guitar,and all you get is a nod from your teacher,or an F on it.
idk.
i don't know what to do.
i am weak,if you notice,and it dosen't take much for you to.
am i to cry?
am i to frustrate myself over what i cannot pull the reins over?

take control,of the uncontrollable.
yeah,i really need motivation now.
so much to do,so little time.
so much to say,so little words.

i dont have much time.
buck up,
think hard.for what you want,its all worth it.
go for it,don't falter.
they're all counting on you.

Imagine.

2010-02-09T12:56:16Z

ha,realised this has become somewhat of a diary to me,like a reflection book.but its good,there's no outlet for me other than in these words put together.and i think this has also turn into some beatles fan site.well,if it becomes boring,you're entitled to leave.but no refunds for tickets,haha.

i thought about many things today,
in the darkest hours of the darkest nights,
you chance upon something that catches your attention.
a flicker,a glimmer,a small,white dot of light,
down the streets,
and you think you've got a way out of the tunnel of seemingly impending blackness.
but the tiny light grows;larger,and larger,and then just when you think you're nearing the end,
you see an oncoming predator of a car.
sprinting at its fullest speed down at you.
WHAM.
before you know it,all is over.
and at that time,will you close you eyes,rest your heavy,weary eyes,or will you sprint for the side pavement?
its all up to YOU,i guess.

i'm a lot like my dad,save for that bipolar temper of his.
he's a weirdo,someone whom works by his values,although a little tied down by all that societal crap.
nonetheless,he's way better than my cousin's mother.
yeah.
he always surprises me;asks,"why do you think it works that way?"or"why did he say that?"
and when i give him the most logical of answers that i think you would impress him(i'm his daughter,after all,which daughter dosen't want to please their father?)he says "no,because it works like this...."he often tells me things he observes,and he observes the smallest of things.
i remember he asked me once when we were at vivo:"do you realise the ventilators are all facing up,'cept for that one?' and i looked.
really,it was.it faced the sides,on the left.
ventilators,there were so many other things for observing,people,for one,would prove to be so.human relations,interactions,actions,all are so much more interesing.
or maybe he dosen't find the human race so fascinating as he ever did before.one wearies of things that people do after some time,especially when the true intentions surfaces for air.
maybe,i will too.
well,guess thats all.i need to go study chem,although i know i'm fighting a losing battle.au revoir.

the apple tree theory.

2010-02-04T11:35:16Z

sometimes its not there when you want it,but its always there when you don't need it.
that about sums up the inspiration for half the things that i want to do.
there's no mood,no motivation,i dont even know what i'm doing it for.
but then everyone just says "oh you've got to do it.you have to.its your duty.get your priority right for goodness sake."
and my parents just scolded me for smsing throughout 9pm last night.
and they dont even know why,they just jump to the conclusion that i'm smsing a friend.
for entertainment.when i'm actually settling house affairs.
and again,they say i always lie to them when i said i studied.
i must not let that affect me.
but it always does,not matter how much you dont want it to.i've learnt that the hard way.
its your matter,you're the most affected.
and maybe apples just don't grow on trees after this.
there's no more logic in anything else.
i'm twisted,my thinking,my attitude.there's no rope to get me out of this well,and it's gonna rain soon.
i might drown.

John Winston Lennon

2010-01-26T13:58:37Z

“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it.”

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”

“As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot”

“You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!”

“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”

“I get by with a little help from my friends”

“I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people.”

“When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.”

“Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it.”

“If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.”

“All we are saying is give peace a chance.”

“Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground.”

“If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.”

"I always was a rebel...but on the other hand, I wanted to be loved and accepted...and not just be a loudmouth, lunatic, poet, musician.
But I cannot be what I am not."

c_l_x @ 2010-01-21T20:53:00

2010-01-21T12:53:49Z

i'd drown myself in jets and beatles.

Depression

2010-01-16T02:42:19Z

Depression.melancholy.i have not a notion to my feeling this way.maybe cause what I have thought was that there really were ppl out there trying to help the world.but even the UN,who has openly claimed to be peacemakers,do not seem to go with their word.then of what use,are the few of us in this world fighting for?the UN are the ones with the practical powers.money,authority,these are the more down to earth things one requires for dreams to fulfill.the
impact hit me,like how the twist in the trial had hit jem.hard.and each was a separate stab to the chest.it would kill.now I wish very much for a revolver.the walls are too plain.and maybe vodka and soda don't sound so bad.can the pressure be withstood?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

2010-01-15T12:44:33Z

"Everyone laughed at the things that you said;
at all the kings horses and all the kings men."

Jet's album,very much a touching one,Shine On 's the name.its really good,give it a listen.i especially like king's horses,thats all lies and shine on.
kings horses and shine on made me cry.especially the latter.
you'd know why,give it a listen.

all the kings horses,
and all the king's men.
the famous english nursery ryhme.

"In Sixteen Hundred and Forty-Eight
When England suffered the pains of state
The Roundheads lay siege to Colchester town
Where the king's men still fought for the crown

There One-Eyed Thompson stood on the wall
A gunner of deadliest aim of all
From St. Mary's Tower his cannon he fired
Humpty-Dumpty was its name

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again."

when the world comes down,
and you lose your crown,
think of the magpies,
all over the ground.

"you know you can always start over again."

c_l_x @ 2010-01-14T16:40:00

2010-01-14T08:40:49Z

"That if the moon had to runaway
And all the stars didn't wanna play
Don't waste the sun on a rainy day
The wind will soon blow it all away"
-Jet,Shine On

so please,
don't cry.
i'm leaving here tonight.

don't feel the cold or wind or rain.

c_l_x @ 2010-01-11T20:47:00

2010-01-11T12:47:35Z

sometimes,
i look at my rough hands,
the thickened skin at the tip of my fingers of my left hand,
being ambidexterious,
tapping to the beats,the notes of each song playing in my head.
and sometimes,
i wonder,
if i'm able to be the one bringing such effects to others.

sherlock holmes is just begging me to read his adventures.;(
and his case books.
look,
he's staring at me.
totally man.

tm,thanks for the note,
i really appreciate it.
i hope you know that i dont really like to use words to express my gratitude.
but use my actions.
and you know you'd always have a friend in me:)
i think that's the best i can do for you:):)

haiyo.
ppl keep pissing me off.
makes me wonder if its just my temper or is everyone changing?
stupid.

la di di,la di da.
haha.
hysterical.
delirious.
i'm so confused,
i tell myself not to be affected by feelings,
by emotions.
but seems as though its not working..

c_l_x @ 2010-01-07T21:04:00

2010-01-07T13:04:09Z

"Eleanor Rigby,
waits at the window,
wearing that face that she keeps in the jar by the door." -the Beatles ,eleanor rigby.

sometimes,
don't you think its good to be like that?

i missed so many lessons idk where to start to get it done with.

DIE.

i'm in hysterics,
in dilemma,
in confusion,
im anxious.
very scared for my o levels.
very.

c_l_x @ 2010-01-02T16:11:00

2010-01-02T08:11:27Z

yes,this song is sooo damn nice.
yeah its in jap,
but the translations are here,
sought them out.
sweet song,
by a sweet guy:)
i had a shock when i saw the lyrics.
cause the at first i thought the music wasn't bad.
so i searched for the lyrics.
its so well written!
and very sincere.
just spend 4 minutes,listen to it.
really,

In the menu of choices for our life
A bit of happiness
Is quite necessary for everyone
So please stand by me

That is what 60 billion people
According to age; personality and physicality
Have subjectively decided
It will be alright!

(Oh Honey!)

I love you very much
(You're) very important (to me)
When you smile
That is my pathway to life

Don't think it's so hard to be "happy"
No need to talk so much about it
It will never change
No need to set your expectations so high

It'll descend on us naturally every time
Hold on to that feeling (when it comes)
This way we can link each day together
It will be alright

(Oh Honey!)

With you by my side
It's most important (to me)
When you're happy
That is my pathway to life

Your words are my prescription
To go forward to tomorrow
Your warmth is my vitamin
For each day
Let's run towards that winding road of Hope

(Wow Honey!)

There will come a day for everyone when their life will stop
That is fixed and cannot be changed
When that comes, who do I want to be there?
I want to know

It was great to have been able to take a stroll with you today
The breeze felt good and so was our mood
Linking together all these "daily instances"
With you, till always......

(Oh Honey!)

I love you very much
(You're) very important (to me)
When you smile
That is my pathway to life

Even if we missed a few opportunities,
Even if we lost ourselves without knowing
Even if we couldn't see each other sometimes
Even if we couldn't understand each other fully

Although we will both change
Although we will unquestionably go old
Although one day our hearts would stop
As long as you can smile again today
As long as you can feel happy again today
That would be my theory of happiness

(Fan translation. For personal reference only.

Music/Lyrics Fukuyama Masaharu

Translated by Izumisano
Fukuyama Masaharu @ Heart (http://mashaheart.net)

39.1

2010-01-01T12:31:17Z

39.1 degrees.
that certainly brings back childhood memories.i had been told before,that when i was around the age of six or so,my mother had been too busy,and that i had laid on the floor with a temperature so high that i was rendered unable to move,shivering,practically unconscious.
yup,and they sent me to thompson medical hosp.its probably because of that that i'm so unhealthy and why i get sick easily,and the reason for my inability to sit down and concentrate for a long period of time(i guess my brains affected.).i feel as though i have to apologize to those that i have caused trouble to.
i'm sorry.
yes,really,i'm not sarcastic or anything,nor is this out of spite of my feverish impulse.i've been dwelling on this for some time,grateful to those who have endured my childish nature for so long.maturity,i know i dont have it,i know i'm not mature.i'm still learning too.i'm really like a kid,the kid that's stuck in a time machine,stuck at the same time for a year,last year.
its hard to change,many know that.i'm stuck between maturity and being infantile.i enjoy being the way i was last year.but as much as one loves to,it is always a pity that all good things come to an end.i dont want to change,because i dont want to lose this nature of mine that is so rare in the society of today.i know,comtemplating over this,might as well be trash,but even trash has to be contemplated over whether it is to be sorted out and recycled or not.
o levels this year,can you be more serious
as much you hate this society,you're in it,abide it,and it flows in the same direction as you.
i think i'd very much have to throw out all the children toys.

c_l_x @ 2010-01-01T16:03:00

2010-01-01T08:03:51Z

hi jacked my mother's laptop.
shit the fever man.
really,
damn you you stupid fuck of a virus.-.-"
oh i just saw a mosquito look a like the size of a 2 and a half cm beetle,
and i went MY GOD.
THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!
if it were a mosquito,
its most likely a mutation.
its so freaky that i'm still traumatised.

anw,
its the first day of 2010,
and i had the priviledge of being sick even on the first second of its arrival.
HEHE.
oh,and ashin was the first person i saw:)
what the freak.
iron man dosent work on this computer;(
robert downey jr just has to wait.
urgh,
lethargy!!!
delirious delirious delirous...

i feel like doing sth but idk what.
feverish.
and going a little mad because of that,
BLARGH.
yup,i'm maaaaaad.

c_l_x @ 2009-12-26T21:13:00

2009-12-26T13:13:42Z

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
damn yall.
really,
damn.
FUCKERS.
bloody bitch.
i wont be posting anytime soon,
i presume.
my internet has been cut off by my bloody parents.
IF I KNEW THAT THEY'D USE THE BLOODY SLR AGAINST ME I REALLY WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD THEM I WANTED ONE.
THE BLOODY FUCK.